Big Boys Don’t Cry: The Benefits of Therapy for Men
From a young age, boys are taught to be tough, to push through pain, and to prioritize strength over vulnerability. Phrases like "man up," "boys don’t cry," and "be strong" are deeply embedded in our cultural fabric, shaping how men understand themselves and their emotions.
But at what cost?
When boys learn to suppress their emotions, they grow into men who struggle to express their inner worlds. Vulnerability is seen as a weakness, and the expectation to "rise above pain" becomes an emotional straitjacket. The result? Emotional unavailability, difficulty forming deep connections, and coping mechanisms that often manifest in unhealthy ways—irritability, dominance, substance use, and even aggression.
The Emotional Toll of Suppression
Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear. Instead, they fester and show up in unexpected ways. Many men who have been conditioned to suppress sadness or fear often experience those emotions as anger or frustration. This is not a flaw in their character but a byproduct of a culture that equates vulnerability with weakness.
Many men experience what Terry Real calls "covert depression"—a condition in which emotional pain is buried under a façade of toughness, success, or detachment. Rather than expressing sadness, they may turn to anger, distraction, or self-isolation. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, depression, and an overwhelming sense of loneliness.
For many men, emotional suppression leads to difficulties in relationships. Partners may feel shut out, friends may struggle to connect, and fathers may find themselves emotionally distant from their children. The inability to communicate feelings openly creates barriers to intimacy and connection.
One way to approach and work through such issues is therapy.
A Safe Space For Expression
For many men, therapy offers a space where they can explore their emotions without fear of judgment or societal expectations. It provides an opportunity to create a new, healthy definition of what it means to be a man.
A therapist’s office is a sanctuary—a place where vulnerability is not only accepted but encouraged. Therapy can be the first step in challenging inherited patterns of emotional suppression. It helps men understand the roots of their struggles, process past wounds, and build emotional resilience.
Improved Emotional Coping and Resilience
One of the key benefits of therapy for men is the development of emotional literacy. Many men have been socialized to either shut down emotions or express them through anger or avoidance. Therapy provides the tools to name, understand, and communicate emotions in a way that fosters healthier relationships and self-awareness.
By working through difficult emotions in therapy, men gain healthier coping strategies. Instead of bottling up stress, they learn constructive ways to process it—whether through mindfulness, communication, or setting healthy boundaries. Over time, this builds resilience, making it easier to handle life’s inevitable challenges.
The Ripple Effects For Future Generations
In a society that often minimizes men’s distress, therapy can be transformative. It’s a step towards changing how men relate to themselves, others, and the world itself. Men who go to therapy can rethink what masculinity means to them, build emotional literacy, learn to set boundaries, and improve their interpersonal relationships.
Men deserve to experience the full spectrum of human emotions without shame and judgement. Therapy is not just about addressing problems—it’s about creating a life that is rich, connected, and emotionally fulfilling. By embracing emotional expression, men can step into a new, healthier version of masculinity—one rooted in strength, authenticity, and connection.
A reminder that needing and seeking help is okay, and it often takes courage to take that first step.
Additional Readings & Videos To Inspire You:
Big Little Man: In Search of My Asian Self
Indigenous Men and Masculinities: Legacies, Identities, Regeneration
I Don’t Want To Talk About It – The Legacy of Male Depression
We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity
